


what we have become

by squilf



Series: here at the end [3]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hell Bent, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 22:40:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5433467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squilf/pseuds/squilf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>here, at the end of everything, she doesn't know him anymore.</p><p>alternative ending to 'hell bent'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	what we have become

**Author's Note:**

> this fic has been haunting me ever since 'hell bent' aired.

they said that saving clara could break time, and they were right. the universe tears itself open around her death, the historical event that never happened anymore, and they're in a stolen tardis at the edge of time and watch as the monitor plays out the destruction in high definition.

clara is crying, hitting his chest with the palms of her hands.

"who the hell are you?" she screams, "four and a half billion years? who would do that? who would _do_ that?"

she can't say any more, collapses into tears, her face buried in his chest. she loves him, oh god she loves him, but she hates him too.

"clara..."

he starts to put his arms around her, but she pushes him away.

"don't touch me!"

she's struggling to breathe, gasping in between sobs.

she's destroyed him, made him into something he's not. her doctor is an old warrior tired of fighting. her doctor answers to the universe, to his conscience, to her. her doctor wouldn't do something unless he believes it to be right. her doctor is a good man.

here, at the end of everything, she doesn't know him anymore.

"look at what you've done. look at what you've become. you... how could you?"

he takes a step towards her, and she flinches back.

"for you," he says, "clara, all for you."

"for me? for me? no, this is for you. this is all for you. do you think i want this? do you think i wanted to watch you become a monster? do you think i wanted you to break time just so you don't have to let me go?"

"clara, i -"

"don't say you love me. don't you dare. this isn't love. this... this is everything i never wanted."

the doctor looks completely unfazed. it's like she's shouting at a brick wall, hoping it will fall.

"don't you want to be with me?" he says.

"not like this. god, not like this."

the monitor catches her attention, suddenly bursting bright with colour. she knows what's happening. the universe is slowly tearing itself in two, the stars extinguishing one by one, as if someone is turning off the lights.

"what will happen?" she breathes.

"you'll be safe, don't worry."

"doctor, what will happen?"

he says nothing for a moment. then,

"there's a crack in time. it's small now but it'll grow."

"will people die?" clara asks, and her voice sounds small and broken.

"worlds will die."

she clamps a hand over her mouth to stifle the sound of her cries.

"it was the only way to save you."

clara turns round to look at him.

"who gave you the right? who gave you the right to choose who lives and who dies? you're playing god."

"there is no god. there is only me, and i am powerful enough to destroy worlds, so i think i'm a good enough candidate for the job, don't you?"

he's always been unpredictable, uncontrollable, but this is different. this is the doctor when he doesn't have to answer to anyone. this is the doctor when he just does what he wants. he steps towards the tardis controls, starts manipulating them in his usual way. clara has watched him do it hundreds of times, but it's always been exciting, the idea of him taking her away somewhere new. it isn't now.

"where are you taking me?" she asks.

"somewhere safe."

"i don't want to go. doctor, i don't want this."

he pulls a lever, and the tardis judders into life.

"i don't really think you're in a position to argue about that, clara."

"you're not rescuing me. you're kidnapping me," she says.

"i don't care what i do so long as you're safe."

he's gone quiet, drawn in. she knows enough to be scared of that. she knows he'll take her away, do what he wants. he didn't wait four and a half billion years for her to say no to him now. he didn't burn worlds to lose her again. she sits down, exhausted. she doesn't know what to say, what to do. this man isn't her doctor. or perhaps he is, and she just never knew - or never wanted to know - what he was capable of. he's always had mysteries. he's always had darknesses. she knew that. but there's a difference between knowing and _knowing_. she draws her knees up to her chin, sits there, not really looking at anything.

he comes over, eventually. sits by her, takes care not to touch her. she knows he wants to because she does too. she wants him to hold her and rock her like a child.

"we're on one of the moons of jupiter," he says, "i don't remember which one."

she doesn't say anything.

"they won't find us here. i've gone back a long way."

he reaches out to brush her hair out of her face. she doesn't move.

"you are so beautiful."

"i bet the worlds you destroyed were beautiful, too," she says, and it's almost a joke.

"not really, the delta quadrant isn't as nice as they make it out to be on the travel guides."

she shoots him a warning look.

"i knew what i did wouldn't be what you wanted," he says, "i knew you'd be angry."

"so why did you do it?"

he looks at her.

"because i knew you would forgive me."

she looks down. he knows her too well.

"you bastard," she breathes.

"i know you, clara oswald. i know how you talk, and smile, and laugh. i know what you look like when you're sleeping. i know you love me, even if you've never said it. i know you'll run away with me."

she looks at him, and she's scared.

"what have we become?"

he pulls her close, and she tucks her head under his. he doesn't speak, just holds her.

in the days to come, she often asks herself that question.

_what have we become._


End file.
